


smells like summer, feels like letting go.

by sasiml



Category: Camp Rock (2008)
Genre: (does shane have bpd?? probably. is it ever gonna be addressed? not in this fic), F/M, angsty emo trash cans, basically the gritty realistic camp rock fic nobody asked for, brown gives advice nobody asked for...again, caitlyns a disaster lesbian, i love camp rock you guys you have no idea this fic is just ten years of headcannons, mitchie wants her whole life to feel like camp, mitchies a goddamn anxiety queen, nate just wants to be gay in peace, shout out to my friend gabe for inspiring the michie/nate dynamic and to ij for the michie/caitlyn, the camp rock kids deciding what they want to do for college - thats it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-25 21:51:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14986361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasiml/pseuds/sasiml
Summary: “It's just a little bit mad, isn't it? I mean, just doing this, forever. You may want to completely immerse yourself, dive in and just submerge yourself in the music and where it’s taking you, but it’s gotta spit you out somewhere, loves. Imagine, doing this every single day for not 6 weeks, but the rest of your lives. It’s like eating one meal forever, or even being with the same person from high school until you die. At some point you have to make room for other things."orthe camp rock kids deciding what the hell they were doing after they were done playing rock star





	smells like summer, feels like letting go.

**Author's Note:**

> so, today marks TEN YEARS since Camp Rock came out and my 11 year old self was literally changed forever. I do not know how to explain how much this movie influenced me, to the point where it sounds unbelievable unless you know me personally. I couldn't let today pass without doing something. 
> 
> If you're so inclined, the playlist that goes with this fic is [ here](https://open.spotify.com/user/sasimljemihuddy/playlist/7mqSef7SsIj0PpnKbJMZMk?si=wUw0Y-GKTpunvaNQTsS_cQ)

It’s the hottest day of the year. Classes have been cancelled on the basis that someone might actually collapse, and as a result half the junior counsellors have taken up residence on the two sofas parked in the corner of the office, dispersed in an almost religious half circle facing the portable air conditioner. 

“Did you know,” Caitlyn says from her seat on the floor directly in front of the ac unit, “that it’s July’ and ‘I want to die’, rhyme?” 

“Did you know that it like, doesn’t?” Shane says, not even looking up from his job braiding a thin strand of his girlfriend’s hair with her head in his lap and just a little too much skill for this not to be a normal occurrence. 

“Now if you said something like ‘heat in July, makes me wanna die,’” Nate chimes in, tapping the beat out as he says it, “that might be valid.” 

“All rhymes are valid, Nathaniel,” Mitchie says. 

“That’s just blatantly false,” he jabs back at her. 

“Ok! I get it!” Caitlyn surrenders. “I’ll read the room next time, maybe make jokes that can’t be interpreted as a writing opportunity.”

“Or maybe just come up with some good writing,” Tess comments from the couch opposite Mitchie and Shane. 

Caitlyn pulls a face. “Wow you got me!!” 

“Enough ok we’re all overheating here,” Mitchie interrupts, suddenlysitting upright.  

(The gang pretends not to notice Shane moving immediately and compulsively when she does, collectively deciding long ago that their, or really, Shane’s constant need to be touching or texting or making faces at her from across the room was equal parts sweet and exasperating.

_“Shane puts me on a pedestal.”_ Nate specifically remembers Mitchie saying to him late one night sometime the year prior.

“It’s just...” he had struggled to find a way to explain it. “Shane was really really miserable. And really ready to meet you. On some level he probably associates you very closely with both the feelings of happiness and redemption.” Nate shrugged. “It makes sense.” )

“Just one summer, I’d like for Brown to spring for like, blackout shades. Or anything,” Mitchie says as the screen door slams shut behind an entering Jason, who apparently had gotten rid of his gaggiling group of kids long enough to join them. 

“You all had the opportunity to apply to summer music programs at like Berklee and Juilliard, and yet for some reason you’re clinging to a tiny air machine in my uncles office,” he says, joining the gang with his back up against the couch Nate and Tess seemed to have taken over. 

“I could always do that another year,” Tess says thoughtfully. 

“When exactly would that be?” Caitlyn asks. 

“You literally just graduated,” Mitchie points out. 

“Fuck. Yeah never mind, you go for me,” Tess says. 

“Again, when? We’re all rising seniors.” 

Shane coughs, pointedly. 

“Sorry. Most of us are,”Mitchie amends, indicating Shane and Jason. 

“Yeah anyway this way we know we can come back forever, you couldn’t do that in a college prep program,” Shane says, addressing Tess. 

“What you’re gonna drop what you’re doing every summer for the rest of your life just to come to summer camp?” Caitlyn asks skeptically. 

“I managed to schedule three successful stadium tours doing just that, why not?”

“I’m sorry - “ Nate interrupts, “you scheduled?”

Shane waves him off.

“I’d come back during college,” Caitlyn offers. 

"Yeah I couldn’t imagine not seeing everyone every summer,” Mitchie says, “I guess it would just have to depend on whatever it is I end up doing. I don’t know we’ve been talking about maybe working on an album after I graduate.”

“Well, I guess if you have a foot in the door,” Caitlyn says, flat. 

Mitchie bites her lip. Caitlyn instantly feels sorry for her comment. 

It’s not that she’s jealous, per say. It’s just that she’s a little bitter that come graduation Mitchie might have more opportunities just because of who she was dating, and Caitlyn really doesn’t have a clue what she wants to do after she graduates. 

She loves music. She loves producing with her friends. She loves making something she’s so proud of. It just might not be what she wants to do forever. Of course, that begs the question, what is?  

“I mean,” Mitchie eventually says. “I just can’t imagine doing anything else.” 

“Ditto,” Nate chimes in. The room mumbles in agreement.

There’s another slam of the screen door as Brown walks in to the office. 

“Taking refuge I see?”

“I’m literally dying, Uncle Brown,” Shane says, fanning himself for dramatic effect. 

“And what are we discussing this fine afternoon?” he asks. 

“Our budding music careers,” Tess says. 

“Oh, all of you?”

Nobody says anything. The kids all just stare at him. Nate shrugs and says, “Why?”

“Well, I mean, it’s a little bit mad isn’t it? I mean, just doing this, forever. You may want to completely immerse yourself, dive in and just submerge yourself in the music and where it’s taking you, but it’s gotta spit you out somewhere, loves. Imagine, doing this every single day for not 6 weeks, but the rest of your lives. It’s like eating one meal forever, or even being with the same person from high school until you die. At some point you have to make room for other things."

Brown says this, of course, forgetting that while he was speaking to a room of adolescents, half the room had their first platinum album by the age of 18, or, seen a parent achieve phenomenal success, or, (he feels guilty about this one the moment it comes out of his mouth), at this moment in time, plan on being with the same person from high school indefinitely. 

 But even with all this taken in to consideration, it’s Caitlyn, who fits in to exactly none of these categories, who’s glaring at him. 

“That’s a bit hypocritical,” Shane points out. “You’ve been in the business your entire life.” 

“No I haven’t,” Brown counters. “If you do recall I stopped touring and became a camp director. Working with music is not the same thing as working in music. It’s a whole other world.” 

“What do you mean?” Tess asks. 

“I mean the most stressful things I deal with here are upset parents and undone maintenance. Boys, how did you spend the last year?”

Jason snickers. “Well, Shane spent most of it in media training.”

Shane flips him off. 

“September we spent 6 weeks writing and recording the album, mid October we kicked off the tour, took 3 weeks off, went back on tour, and left for camp before releasing said album.” Nate says, ticking off on his fingers and trying to be helpful. 

“Yeah and that’s only cause we have the summers negotiated now,” Shane says. 

“It sounds like a lot of work,” Caitlyn says, “but if that’s what you guys love doing it’s worth it, yeah?” 

Brown opens his hands, as if to open the question to them. “Shane, how was media training?”

"Ok first of all I don’t know why we’re pretending I’m the only one who had to go through it again Jason has never once said anything productive in interviews.” 

“If I recall your issue was learning to keep your mouth shut,” Mitchie says. 

Shane pinches her thigh. Mitchie slaps his hand. He smiles.

“They sit you in a room with a number of PR executives and you go through how to appear wholesome and what not to divulge about yourself to either appear non controversial or single or whatever they need you to be that day.” Nate says. 

“Which is especially fun when you’re sixteen,” Shane adds. “Every single thing that came out of my mouth for five years was rehearsed and calculated and tested in a focus group before hand.”

“I forget sometimes how young you guys were when you started,” Caitlyn says. “And you’re not burnt out yet?”

“I’ll keep doing this as long as they let me,” Jason says. Shane twitches nervously in his seat. 

“Our contracts almost up, I don’t really know if we have a choice to be burnt out,” Nate says. 

“It’s better now though yeah? Than it was before?” Mitchie asks, mostly directed at Shane. 

“Yeah, I mean, the labels given up some control,” Shane says. 

“When we were younger they had us writing with people we didn’t know or didn’t really vibe with, or they’d just give us something they thought would have a lot of airplay or digital sales depending on what they needed that week,” Nate adds. 

“But you guys did really well,” Tess says, “the higher ups were right.”

“Maybe.” Nate shrugged. 

“I think the question there is, Tess, at what cost? What are you willing to give up for that level of success?” Brown says.  

Not much, Caitlyn thought to herself. Not that she has much to give up anyway. She knows from conversations with both Mitchie and Shane that Shane’s mental health really suffered from being in the band. That the pressure and expectations were only the start of his troubles. She thinks she might be even more fragile than he is. 

 

* * *

 

“What were you thinking about before? When Brown was talking about the price of success or whatever?” Mitchie asks Shane later. 

It’s just after dinner so the lake isn’t overrun with campers. They’re sitting by a shady, semi-secluded patch of grass by the lake, Shane’s back up against a tree, Mitchie resting back on her hands. 

Shane picks at the grass, ripping it up and peeling the blades apart. “I don’t want you to think I’m discouraging you from pursuing a career in music,” he says, looking up from his fingers. 

Mitchie shakes her head. “I don’t think that.” 

“Or that everyone’s experience is like mine.” 

“Shane.”  

He tosses aside the tiny pieces of grass in his hands, reaching for some more. 

“It wasn’t like Nate and Jason weren’t going through the exact same thing, I don’t know why I felt it so much more.”

“We all know you’re a little sensitive,” Mitchie brushes his curls out of his eyes, smiling. 

“They weren’t showing up to meetings coked out of their minds at 16,” he says. 

“Maybe not, but you got help.” 

“It retrospect, who cares if we weren’t playing our music, we were still playing. And who cares if I had pap walks staged outside like, a fucking Starbucks, pretty much every day, it’s like going to work,” Shane rationalizes. 

“Yeah but that’s not you,” Mitchie says. “That’s not what you guys set out to do.”

“I was so angry,” he says. 

“I know,” Mitchie says, softer. 

“I’m still so angry.” 

“I know.”

“I don’t know if I’m ever not going to be angry.” 

“I think that’s fair,” Mitchie says. She means it, too. 

They’ve had this conversation before, all of it. Mitchie doesn’t ever think they’ll stop having this conversation. She thinks that Shane’s struggles in adolescence are something he’ll carry with him forever.

“I think,” Shane starts, “after graduation and camp, you coming to LA and us just writing like, a fucking ton, would be really good. I think it would be different for you. I think you could do it. I think you should.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. We’re in the process of contract negotiation right now, we’ll be signing by the time you would be, i don’t think it would take much more than a demo from you, you’ve already been in the public eye.” 

She shakes her head. “You’re biased.” 

“Maybe.” He stops fidgeting with the grass. “I can’t stop thinking about it though.”

“What do you think about?”

“Just getting to like, take our fucking time,” he says. “like, in every aspect. just getting to work your album until you’re completely happy with it. ordering take out because I let something burn. Learning who we are individually and together when we aren’t stressed out of our fucking minds or a thousand miles apart. Lazy afternoon sex. And then maybe when the albums done and we figure ourselves and our lives out a little more, we go back on tour. Later, when we’re all ready.” 

“Wow,” Mitchie says.

"What?"

"Nothing, it's just you’ve thought about this a lot."

“What, you haven’t?”

“Not in the same way I guess,” she replies. “More in the sense that I’ve been trying to compare what that could look like in comparison to going to college.” 

“Do you want to go to college?” Shane asks. 

“I don’t know," Mitchie says. “My parents really want me to go, and there’s a few music schools I genuinely like, but I also think I maybe might rather get my life started as soon as possible.”

That was the answer Shane was looking for of course.

“I mean, don’t know what what next years gonna look like,” he says, “but I have some good feelings about it.” 

“We still have this year to get it all sorted, we don’t have to make all the decisions right away,” Mitchie says.

“It’s exciting though, like, thinking about the future. It’s a bit like daydreaming.”

Mitchie’s brow furrows. “I don't think it's exciting I think it’s fucking terrifying,” she says.

“You mean because of the uncertainty, or?” Shane asks.

“Yeah, it’s just daydreamings usually a lot less stressful for me. When I think about the future all I think about is all the things that could possibly go wrong.”

“You do that about everything though, that’s why they call it anxiety,” Shane points out.

“Thats fair.” Mitchie concedes. She looks around them. “It’s starting to get dark, I didn’t bring a flashlight, did you?”

Shane shakes his head. “I didn’t think we’d be out here this long.”

Mitchie gets up from the grass, holding out her hand to Shane, who takes it and pulls himself up. She turns to walk back to camp, and feels a tug on her hand pulling her back.

“Hey, wait,” Shane says, taking a step closer. “Don’t let it freak you out so much, ok? You still have plenty of time, you have every opportunity right in front of you. I know for a fact that it’s going to be ok.”

Mitchie smiles a little. Even though Shane’s words only marginally help, she’s grateful that he at least wants to help, and makes an effort to keep her out of a mental spiral. She kisses him softly, grabbing his waist with her free hand. 

“Thanks, pop star.”

They walk back towards the cabins, and Shane smiles. “Anytime.”

* * *

 

The screen door to the cabin slams and Caitlyn looks up from her bunk.  

"You startled me,” she says. 

Mitchie grimaces. “Sorry. I didn’t see you at the campfire, have you just been here?” 

Caitlyns sitting with her laptop, cross legged on top of her (always) unmade bed, the charger dangling against the wall. The first day of camp she made sure she was the one with the bunk next to an outlet, and nobody was going to try and stop her less she actually tears their head off. 

“Yeah I’ve just been working on some stuff,” she says. 

Mitchie crosses the room and sits down next to Caitlyn, knocking her shoes off as she gets under the blanket that’s thin enough it doesn’t make her actually die of heat stroke. “Can I listen?”

Caitlyn leans back against the wall, sticking her feet under the blanket as well.“It’s not a music thing.”

“Oh?” Mitchie pokes her head up to look at the laptop, but the glare is in the opposite direction for her to see. 

“It’s uh, actually my Common App,” she says.  

“It’s July.” 

“I know but Brown got me thinking about it, which really pisses me off.”

Mitchie laughs. “Wise sage Uncle.” 

Caitlyn groans. “I hate listening to him I hate when he actually has a point.”

“He can kinda be the worst sometimes,” Mitchie agrees. “Just be glad you aren’t dating someone he’s related to.”

“Literally you suffer greatly and we are so sorry.” Caitlyn says. 

They laugh for a minute together.

“So like, where do you think you’ll end up?” Mitchie asks, sort of quietly.

Caitlyn closes the laptop and sets it on the floor before settling deeper in to the bed. 

“It’s all east coast schools I think. Actually Wesleyans my first choice, I think I’m going to do early decision there? I’m not really sure yet.”

“So Connecticut?”

“Yeah I mean it’s not too far from here actually,” Caitlyn says.

“Yeah but it’s really far from LA,” Mitchie says. “Like I probably couldn’t even get a direct flight when I come visit you.”

“I’ll come visit you too, of course,” she reassures her. 

“Why don’t you just move to LA with me and produce my album?” Mitchie asks.

Caitlyn’s heart lurches. There’s some part of her, a pretty big part actually, that’s been waiting for Mitchie to say that all summer. All year, probably. 

She can imagine herself as a music producer in LA. She imagines going to parties in a valley apartment with Mitchie and the guys, probably wearing some cool leather jacket just to make sure the boys were intimidated and the girls were enticed. She imagines sitting in a studio with four empty cans of red bull sitting with her best friend, just trying to find the perfect sound with, like, the best fucking equipment money could buy. 

She also imagines a crisp fall New England breeze where nobody knows anything about her.  

“Wesleyan has a fantastic music program,” she says, facing Mitchie. 

“Well yeah.”

“As well as a rigorous liberal arts curriculum.”

“I know.”

“And they have a really cool queer scene.”

“I mean we love that.”

“And I just wanna start over I think, you know?”

Mitchie does know. She spent the first two months knowing her best friends while they only knew her false identity. She remembers so clearlythe conversation she had with Shane where they just decided to start over entirely. Re-introducing herself to him, to Caitlyn, were the best things she could’ve possibly done.  

“Yeah. I get it,” she says. 

The screen door slams again and Tess walks in.

“Late-night cuddle fest?” She asks. 

Mitchie and Caitlyn open the blanket in invitation. Tess smiles and gets in between them, her back against the wall so she can see them both.

“We’re talking about colleges,” Mitchie informs her. “Caitlyn’s going to Wesleyan and kicking ass apparently.” 

“If I get in,” she says.

“Yes that,” Mitchie replies. 

“Wesleyans not too far from New York,” Tess says. “We can visit each other.”

“Yeah see when you get bored of the middle of nowhere you can go stay with Tess and see what those hip NYU kids are up to.” Mitchie says. “Is it true that Steindheart really knows how to party?” She asks Tess. 

“I mean the ones I went to while I visited were fun,” Tess says, “and I guess it will be cool to have a college experience.”

“If you could call it that,” Caitlyn says. “Y’all got no campus.”

“AND -“ she continues, ignoring Caitlyn, “it’ll be good for me to have an actual degree to fall back on.”

“Yeah honestly that’s so important in such a fickle business,” Mitchie says.  

Both girls just stare at her. 

“Ok look I can always go to college if it doesn’t work out.” 

“Mitchie, even Nate was talking about going to college,” Caitlyn says.  

“Yeah but he’ll probably never do it,” Mitchie responds. 

“Maybe you and Nate could go to school together,” Tess says. 

“I highly doubt that’ll happen. If I’m gonna be busy just imagine how busy he’ll be.”

“There’s literally no reason for you not to go to college,” Tess says.

“This is peer pressure and I’m not here for it,” Mitchie jokes. 

“Tess is right,” Caitlyn says, “and like, I hate to say it, but so much of your career depends on Shane, what happens if you break up?”

“I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Mitchie says.

“But it could,” Tess says. “you’ve never really lived together, you don’t know how that might change things. That’s not even to mention touring or just the basic stress of working together.”

“Guys, stop,” Mitchie says. “Honestly you’re stressing me out. It’s gonna be fine.”

“All right,” Tess says, pulling out her phone to check twitter. 

But Caitlyn gives Mitchie a look. She isn’t done with her yet, but she also doesn’t want to spin her in to panic. So she backs off, but the seed is still planted and they both know it. 

 

* * *

 

“Hey Nate! Wait up!” Mitchie yells running along the dirt path to the Mess Hall to catch up with him the next morning.

“Mitchie! Lunch?” He asks.

“Yeah of course,” she responds. “I just wanted to ask though, Caitlyn says you were thinking about going to college?”

They fall into step with each other. “I was thinking about it. Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know, a lot of reasons I guess,” she admits fairly quickly. Nate’s always been easy to talk to. He’s smart, and non-threatening, and the only person who knows Shane like she does. 

“It's just,” she starts, “I really want to just move in to your guys’s place and start working and just enjoy life,” she says. “But I don’t know if its the right thing to do.”

“You don’t mean because of Shane though right? You mean because of you.” Nate's always understood whatever she was trying to tell him, even when it doesn’t come out right. 

“But I also don’t want to keep doing long distance. It’s exhausting.”

“Well, there are schools you can go to literally in the same city,” Nate points out, raising his eyebrows at the obvious.

“Just tell me though, why were you thinking of going to school?” she asks.

“I don’t think my reasons will help you all that much Mitchie,” he says. 

“They might.” 

“I guess, for me, I’ve never had a quote normal life,” he says. “Going to college might be a way to just hide in a community for a while and actually get to know what that’s like.”

“Yeah,” Mitchie says. “You’re right that doesn’t help me.”

“It’s not like I need a degree,” Nate says, “but I would like to, you know, meet people from other backgrounds, and go to parties and actually get to date guys.” 

Mitchie nods in understanding. Nate spent his adolescence basically unable to have a substantial relationship, as one does when they’re in a boyband and like, really gay. 

“I’m not saying that if I go to college I’ll stop recording and playing shows and stuff. I’d never be the reason the band splits up,” he says. “But I kinda have one chance to do it right, so why not, you know?” 

He opens the door for her and they’re instantly greeted with the warm buzz of their friends voices echoing against the wood. Shane and Peggy are sitting at a table in the corner, catching their eyes and waving them over. Mitchie smiles.

“So how were everyone’s classes this morning?” Nate asks, taking a pair of drumsticks out of his back pocket and setting them on the table before sitting down.

“Mmmf. Really good,” Shane somehow manages to get through while he downs a glass of lemonade with one hand, and throwing a thumbs up with the other.

Peggy stares at him in disbelief. “Damn, who raised you?”

“The same people who raised him and he has perfect manners,” Mitchie points out, jerking her head in Nate’s direction and taking the seat next to Shane.

“We were supposed to have joint voice lessons today, with the younger kids and the older ones?” Peggy tells the table. “But someone took his class out to the lake instead.”

Mitchie makes a disapproving sound, and reaches for a few grapes off his plate. “Shane that's not what you’re being paid for.”

“It’s still so hot, and I am literally melting. If I hadn’t taken them out to swim someone would’ve probably died in there,” Shane says seriously. “They would’ve suffocated and died. I am a hero and everyone should acknowledge it.”

“You’re such a drama queen,” Mitchie says.

“Also technically,” Shane continues, ignoring her, “I am what's called an ‘unpaid family worker,’ I ain’t getting shit.”

“It’s not like you really need a summer job.” Peggy says.

“It still would’ve been a nice offer!” Shane replies.

“Again, princess,” Nate says.

Shane shrugs. “There’s turkey burgers for lunch if you’re hungry,” he says to Mitchie, who’s still picking the grapes off his plate.

Mitchie shakes her head. “The turkey burgers always crumble when you take a bite out of them.”

“Take that up with your mom then,” Shane says, taking a bite of said burger.

“No way, you talk to her if you think it’s such a good idea,” Mitchie says.

Shane swallows. “No way man, she scares me.”

“And with good reason,” Nate says, getting up from the table. “I’m gonna make a sandwich.”

“Hey Nate,” Mitchie says, looking at him with a smile and drawing out the “A.”

Nate sighs and leaves for the sandwich bar.

“Thank you!” She calls after him.

“Oh man, Peggy, you missed a good lecture from Brown yesterday,” Shane says.

“Yeah, Tess was telling me. About the price of fame or whatever?”

“It was more like, being a well rounded individual helps you stay happy and grounded, I think,” Mitchie says.

Shane waves his hand. “Details.”

“I don’t know, I’ve always liked having other things to do,” Peggy says thoughtfully. “Like, when I was in high school I was in church choir and my schools show choir, and they both took up a lot of time, but I also really enjoyed being on the volleyball team.” She takes a bite of her turkey burger. “You’re right these do crumble.”

“You just gotta smother it in ketchup,” Shane says, demonstrating bylifting the bun and pouring the generic brand of ketchup on Peggy’s burger.

She glares at him. “Well, I hate ketchup and this is ruined so thanks for that.”

“What about now that you’re in college though, do you keep up with all that?” Mitchie asks, ignoring both of them.

“Advisors say you should take four classes and have one extracurricular,” Peggy says, “and I’m a music major and all of my friends are music majors, so I do acapella.”

“So that’s a no then.”

“It’s not like that at every school though,” Peggy points out. “Like, where Caitlyn wants to go requires you have a much more rounded curriculum then where I am. If you want to focus on other hobbies you absolutely can.”

“I don't really have other hobbies,” Mitchie says flatly.

“I don’t have time for other hobbies,” Nate says, picking up the conversation as he sat down, handing a plate to Mitchie.

They see Jason walk in through the front doors with about 12-15 kids trailing behind him. He looks over to them and waves excitedly, guiding the kids towards the lunch line and coming over to their table.

“Hey guys, what’re we talking about?” he asks.

“Our very poorly constructed adolescence," Shane says. “Apparently not having hobbies is bad.”

Jason looks at him in confusion. “But we have hobbies? We play baseball and golf on the road all the time. Nate’s always writing music. You’re always reading fashion and style blogs. I don’t think we missed out on all that much, really.”

Mitchie always finds it fascinating to hear Jason’s side of the story. Here was a guy genuinely happy just to be able to do a job he loves, always dedicated to putting on a good show, very rarely feeling cheated. She wonders sometimes if it was because he was the oldest, and got most of his normal dumb teenage stuff out of the way before becoming famous, or if it was just harder for Nate and especially for Shane for other reasons entirely. 

“I didn’t particularly want other hobbies,” Mitchie says, saving the younger brothers from the conversation. “It’s been music all my life, and I’ve just been working towards being able to do that professionally for years now. Nothing else has really captivated me in the same way.”

“So far," Peggy points out. “Once music’s you're career you may want to branch out a little bit.”

“I’m not sure I even want to branch out so much as I’d like to do it a little differently,” Nate muses.

“Differently how?” Shane asks, his voice a little tense.

Nate shrugs. Mitchie doesn't say anything, but they look at each other from across the table. They’ve always had a knack for silent conversations. Mitchie fidgets with her hands before looking up at the kitchen door.

“I should go say hi to my mom,” she says.

Shane starts to get up. “I’ll come too.”

Mitchie’s eyes widen a little. “No it’s ok, finish your lunch.”

Shane shrugs, Mitchie gets up from the table and pushes the swinging door to the kitchen.

“Hello?” she calls out. Connie rounds the corner, holding a tray of frozen crinkle cut fries.

“Hi sweetheart, to what do I owe this pleasure?” She asks, moving the tray out of the way to kiss Mitchie on the cheek. 

Mitchie takes the tray from her mom and sets it on the wooden countertop. “We haven’t talked in a bit I thought I’d come say hi.”

“Well that’s very nice of you but it is the lunch rush, which you know, so I can only assume there’s something particular on your mind?”

Mitchie sighs. She sometimes hates how transparent she is, but she can’t deny that it’s convenient on occasion. 

“We have the money for me to go to college right?” She asks. 

Connie frowns. “Mitchie you shouldn't worry about that ok? That’s a job for your father and I. We took a seminar on the FAFSA, you have the grades for a merit scholarship, and you’ve got your college fund. Don’t worry.”

“What if I don’t go to college though?” Mitchie asks.

Connie wipes her hands on her apron before speaking. “I think going to college would be good for you,” she says, “but it’s your decision. You should know by now that we’ll support anything you choose to do.”

“So, like, if I did end up moving to LA and pursuing a music career?"

“Mitchie, have I ever given you an indication that I didn’t trust you to make your own decisions?”

Mitchie shakes her head. “I guess not.”

“Exactly. You were fourteen and getting involved with some pop star with, frankly sweetheart, some well known issues, on stage in front of hundreds of people and paparazzi, and your dad and I still cheered like mad.”

Mitchie thinks for a moment. “You like Shane now though, right?”

“I think it’s impossible not to like him.”

Mitchie fidgets with her hands, blushing a little. She's eternally grateful that her parents took to her boyfriend so well, regardless of the circumstances. She doesn’t tell her mom that sometimes being someone's entire world is a little too much.

 

* * *

 

It’s two weeks and some lack of inhibitions until anyone says anything about colleges again, at least out loud. 

Though she doesn't say anything, Mitchie’s found out UCLA gets nearly 100,000 applications for incoming freshman every year. She also finds out that almost every music school in the LA area is funded by the same billionaire jazz musician. She wonders if her personal testimony of the last few years makes her interesting enough to stand out, but ends up frustrated, again, that everything about her future seems to rely on Shane. 

“Can we turn the lights out?” Caitlyn asks at about 11:30 on a Thursday night.

Peggy looks up from her bunk, “I’m good, I’m exhausted. Does anyone else need them on?”

The room mumbles a “no,” and Caitlyn switches the light off before opening the laptop on her bed again.

Mitchie closes her pajama drawer, and her phone buzzes loudly from on top of the dresser.

_ You still awake? _

“Sorry, it’s just Shane,” she tells them.

_ It’s not even midnight, yeah I’m still awake. _

and then

_ What do you want? _

It's a few minutes before Shane responds, Mitchie’s already gotten in to bed and plugged her phone in when she gets his text.

_ I’m drunk and I miss you _

She raises her eyebrows.

_ Are you drunk alone or _

_ No I’m with the guys were in the clearing with the logs and shit??? _

Another text.

_ Barron and Sander were here but they just left. _

And one more.

_ Come join ussss pleaaseeee _

Mitchie groans. Shane’s a master at the art of double texting, but she has to admit that does sound like fun.

_ I just got into bed _

_Without me? _

Another text.

_ Bring Caitlyn _

She gets up. “I’ve been summoned, the guys are all apparently throwing a little party if anyone wants to come.”

“If I don’t get my sleep I’m not going to have any fun at all at the jam tomorrow,” Tess says.

“All right, Caitlyn you’ve been requested specifically though.”

“I literally just got in my pj’s,” she says, annoyed.

“Me too.”

“I could be doing something,” she complains.

“They have booze,” Mitchie tells her.

“Ok, never mind I’m in,” Caitlyn says, closing her laptop and getting out of bed.

They probably could’ve made it to the clearing without flashlights after all, Mitchie thinks, the guys were so loud. Jason’s voice rang out especially, he always got loud when he drank.

“Nice pajamas," Nate says, getting up from a flannel blanket on the ground and handing Caitlyn her drink of choice. A straight bottle of vodka.

“Mmm. My man,” she says, gladly taking it from him and sitting down on one of the stumps.

“So how drunk are you exactly?” Mitchie asks Shane, who wraps his arms around her waist. “Just so I know what I’m getting in to here.”

“I’ve just had like, two drinks,” he replies.

“As in that’s your third drink?” she asks, pointing to the plastic cup in his hand.

“No it’s my fourth.”

“Ok well, you can’t count, and I’m taking this from you now,” she says, sniffing the cup and taking a swig. She doesn't have much experience with hard liquor, but she can taste that it’s gin and that it’s expensive.

“So I’m guessing it was Jason who was kind enough to do an alcohol run?” Caitlyn asks.

He bows, twirling his hand. “You’re welcome.”

“That wasn’t me thanking you, that was me pointing out that there aren't any chasers,” she says.

“He’s literally been drinking hard lemonade all night,” Nate says. “However he did bring me these which I'm eternally grateful for.” He whips out a pack of _Camel Lites_ and offers them out.

“Nate you’re a professional singer don’t fuck with your lungs like that,” Mitchie says.

“I’m not a singer at all,” Caitlyn says taking a cigarette. “Can you light me?”

Mitchie shakes her head, taking another sip of Shane’s drink. Nate only really smoked when he was at camp, she figured it calmed his nerves. Downtime makes him nervous. 

“Don’t pick up a smoking habit, ok?” she tells Shane, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I don’t like the taste.” She demonstrates by kissing him. He tastes like good liquor and familiarity.

“Can y’all stop for like two goddamn seconds?” Caitlyn asks, holding her cigarette between two fingers while the rest of her hand brought the bottle of vodka to her lips.

“Imagine what it’s gonna be like to live with them,” Jason points out, throwing his empty bottle in a paper bag, because of course he brought something to dispose of the trash he’s just that good.

“You’re a fucking saint Gray, you know that?” Caitlyn tells him.

“I know,” Shane says, popping his foot.

“I don’t think she means you,” Nate says

“No one ever does,” Shane says, shaking his head sadly before going back to kissing Mitchie. He pulls her a little bit closer to him and nibbles on her lower lip, just to make a point. Mitchie giggles a little. Caitlyn snorts audibly.

“I don’t remember the part where I signed up to be a professional third wheel. Not that I’m not perfectly happy being very single and lonely,” Caitlyn says.

“Well Caitlyn, I think you scared off most of the girls here,” Jason said pragmatically.

“Yeah they’re supposed to fear me but also wanna do me,” she explains, taking a puff of her cigarette, and blowing it in the direction of Mitchie and Shane, because she could. “I haven't dated anyone here since like Tess when we were like, fucking thirteen.”

“That’s still one more summer fling than me,” Nate points out, finishing his cigarette and putting it out on the side of Caitlyn’s log before tossing it accurately in the paper bag.

“Poor Nate, unlucky in love,” Mitchie says, removing herself from Shane and joining him on the blanket, Shane in tow.

“You’re only seventeen you’ll be fine,” Jason says. He reaches for another hard lemonade and offers one out to Nate, who shakes his head and instead takes the vodka from Caitlyn and takes a long swig. Mitchie drains her own cup and holds it out for Nate to refill.

Shane lies down with his head propped up against his arm. “I know it’s sucked for you bro. But like, it’ll be easier when we rebrand you know like you won’t have to fit so clearly to a mold anymore.” He takes the cup from Mitchie and takes a sip, making a face at the taste.

“This isn’t gin,” he says.

“No we’ve switched, keep up,” Mitchie replies, patting his chest.

Mitchie thinks this is her favorite part about camp, when she can just sit with her friends in the dark and just talk about their ups and downs and what makes them tick. She spent nearly fifteen years incredibly alone, and she had even been used to it to some extent. Now her heart always feels so full with love she doesn't know where to put it all.

It’s not until Shane falls asleep, and Jason and Caitlyn have gone back to their cabins, that Nate opens up.

“I don’t think the limits on your dating life are actually what you’re mad about.” Mitchie says.

“Why?” Nate challenges, lighting another cigarette.

“I am very rarely photographed, and on the occasions I am it’s usually because it’s planned.”

“So?”

“So it’s a lot easier to hide your private life then people think, and you know it.” 

“It’s kinda just a pipe dream,” he says. “I’m just scared I’m gonna miss out if I don’t take chances.”

Mitchie sits up, and rests her back against the log Caitlyn was sitting on. She doesn’t know if Nate's only saying this now because it’s basically just the two of them, or if it’s because he’s been drinking, but either way he’s talking and MItchie feels better when she can have these conversations with him.

“I’m with you on the not taking chances part,” she says. “Like, either I hit the ground running, and things might not work out and I’m screwed, or I wait too long and I miss my moment.”

“You’re not gonna miss your moment, Mitchie. No matter what happens you’ll be ok. You’re real damn talented and everyone knows it. Even if you didn't have our help you'd be fine.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Mitchie says. 

“You’re doubting your talent?”

“No it’s not that, though I’m sure there are tens of thousands of people just like me who could be chosen instead.” Mitchie thinks. “It’s just ever since that first Final Jam when the press was there and people suddenly knew who I was, it was because of Shane. My first exposure to the world was as Shane Gray’s mystery girlfriend and that’s who I’ve been.”

“I know it doesn't help much, but nobody who knows you would ever say you’re just an accessory like that,” Nate says, looking concerned.

“The reality is he’s going to shadow any career I have, even if he’s not involved with it publicly.”

“That’s scary.” Nate sympathizes, nodding.

“I want him involved, I love working with him. It’s just its a lot of added pressure on a relationship that has enough pressure in the first place.” Mitchie says. “I go to school and he goes on tour, and we manage with you know, Skype and cell phones and he’ll fly me out to you guys, but it’s hard.”

They’re silent for a few minutes. Mitchie thinks about the number of times this year Shane’s fallen asleep on a Skype call so he didn't have to be alone. She looks down at Shane’s sleeping form on the blanket and strokes his hair out of his face.

“He needs so much from me,” she says quietly.

“He’s a lot of work,” Nate agrees.

“It’s overwhelming sometimes.” Mitchie admits quietly. “I don’t even have a grip on myself, let alone him. Right now, we can be co-dependant because we have separate lives. I'm worried it might be too much pressure once we’re not only seeing each other when we can.”

Nate nods. “Being candid, there’s like a fifty-percent chance one of you is gonna kill the other. There’s way too many expectations for where you are right now. You’re dependent on each other because neither of you have the skills to cope with your trauma in positive constructive ways and use the other as a crutch.”

Mitchie raises her eyebrows at him. “Thanks.”

“Sure thing.”

She looks back at Shane, her heart tugs at her chest. 

“I think,” she starts “if I don’t have a life of my own, I’m going to resent him. I’m never going to feel whole or free. I’ve spent so long trying to find my own agency and you know, he absolutely lets me do that with where we are now, but I don’t know if it’s going to be that way when we’re not separated.”She sighs. “It’s messy.”

“We’re all a little messy.” Nate points out.

Mitchie laughs a little. “Remember at the Christmas party last year when Caitlyn got drunk and peed in the tree’s water bowl?” she reminisces.

“Caitlyn has an admirable talent to turn her messes in to stories,” Nate says. “And then of course there’s the two of us, alone at a table by the food.”

“That was the same party Shane got in a fight with that executive,” Mitchie thought back, “over performing New Years Day or whatever.”

“To be fair, we were supposed to have the day off,” Nate says, “and Shane doesn’t pick as many fights anymore.”

Mitchie knows Shane’s view of himself is not at all consistent with the confidence he exudes. Not only is he a rock star, he’s the front man. He walks into a room dressed impeccably and with one swish of his hair he can effortlessly get their attention and praise. Except, then he goes home and Mitchie gets a string of texts about all the reasons why he was probably the meeting failed.

She doesn't pretend she’s not in a similar boat. Her self confidence has never been all that high, ergo, lying about her identity her first summer. She feels better after nailing a song, or getting a good grade on her history final, or just spending a day lying in bed and binge watching something dumb with Shane. Shane feels the absence of sadness instead of an improvement in mood. 

Suddenly, Nate speaks up. 

“We were all so preoccupied with keeping Shane from falling, you know? And I’m fine with that because he’s my brother and he was suffering and I was more equipped to take what was being thrown at us, but it also didn’t give the rest of us much room to screw up.”

Mitchie thinks for a moment. “Do you think college is going to make you happy? Or that it’s the right path for you?” She asks.

“Not really,” Nate admits. “I’ve been homeschooled since I was 13 and I graduated early. If I was going to go to college I could’ve done it last year, but you’re in a different boat than me.”

“Yeah,” Mitchie says in response. She sighs. “I just wish camp could be permanent. Everyones together and settled, it’s so simple here.”

“Isn’t that just a part of adolescence though?” Nate points out. “Nothings more simple than the summer before your senior year. You can just pretend everything is going to work out just like you want it to.”

“Maybe,” Mitchie says.

“Camp isn’t real, Mitchie,” Nate says. “Camp is great, but it’s an escape. You see your friends you don’t have yearly conflict with, you do what you love in a low stress environment. It’s great, but it’s not the real world.”

“I want it to be,” Mitchie mumbles. “When I first came to camp I thought everything was going to change, I thought I was going to suddenly turn in to someone I liked.”

“It’s more work than that. It takes more time.”

Sometimes she wonders, if fate is real, if the world brought her Shane so she could also have Nate. She wonders about platonic soulmates.

 

* * *

 

They’re exhausted all the next day, but Mitchie figures her students could use a day of doing the bare minimum. She expects dinner to be a quiet event, but instead Nate's fidgeting throughout the entire meal.

“Brown really got me thinking about the whole diversifying your life thing,” he says after dinner, licking a mess hall soft serve cone the next evening on the grass by the outdoor stage.

Mitchie says nothing, but she tosses him a glare over her own cone. 

“What could you possibly need to diversify you play like seventeen instruments,” Shane says.

“I mean like maybe I’ll try taking some classes next fall,” Nate says. 

“Why would you do that?”

“I don’t know I just feel like I’ve missed so many rites-of-passage already I could maybe miss a little less now that I’m an adult.”

“You’ve always been an adult.” Mitchie points out.

“This is true,” Shane adds, using his spoon to gesture because he’s Shane Gray dammit and he can take a bowl if he goddamn wants to.

“I don’t know I think it’s something I’d regret not doing,” Nate says, looking directly at Mitchie. She glares at him. He raises his eyebrows as if to challenge her.

“I don’t know man I mean the bands going to be re-branding we’re gonna need you, we absolutely could not do it without you, like, you know this.” Shane says. He’s clearly a minute away from getting worked up.

“Music is my entire life, Shane. My entire life. And I love it, and I’m never going to do anything else, but I want to be normal for just a minute.”

Shane looks at Mitchie. “This is crazy, right? Tell him he’s being crazy.”

“I don’t think he's being crazy.”

“Are you actually serious right now?”

“It’s not crazy to want some sense of normalcy in your life Shane you’re being an idiot,” she says.

Shane throws his hands up. “I don’t know what’s with you two, it’s like one lecture from Brown and you change your entire lives? When have we ever listened to him before?”

Mitchie throws Nate a look. I can’t believe you got me into this, she clearly says. Nate, who’s had numerous silent conversations from across a room with her, just looks at her. She’s gonna have to deal with her future at some point, the sooner the better.

“Ok but Nate isn’t saying he’s gonna quit the band, or go move into dorms somewhere else, he’s saying he wants a tiny part of what his peers are doing. Why do you have such a problem with that?”

She knows why. She also, at this moment, doesn't really care.

“He’s not even taking in to account what this might do to the band! Are Jason and I supposed to do everything ourselves now and he shows up for what he feels like doing?” Shane says, voice slightly raised.

“He did everything on his own while you were off fighting with people and trashing hotel rooms,” Mitchie says. “Face it Shane, this isn’t about Nate, or the band, it’s about your abandonment issues. We all love you and we’re not going anywhere so just lay off all right?”

She turns back to Nate and looks at him as if to say how was that? Nate just shakes his head a little. Shane fumes. Mitchie just wants to spontaneously combust already. 

 

* * *

 

“So are you set on doing that song we fucked around with last week for the Campfire Jam tonight?” Caitlyn asks, sorting through a pile at the end of her bed trying to find something decent to wear.

“We’ve only gone over it once,” Mitchie points out, sitting on the floor against the wall by the front door.

Caitlyn shrugs. “Once is enough. It’s that or we do something we’ve already performed.”

Mitchie looks out the windows, the sun set behind the dirty grey screens. Another day has passed, and still, collaborating with Caitlyn is on her top three favorite experiences. The thought that she might only have one more summer to do so made her want to scream.

“I kinda yelled at Shane today about the whole college thing,” Mitchie tells her. 

Caitlyn raises her eyebrows. “Did you tell him you were thinking of going to school instead?”

Mitchie shakes her head. “It wasn’t even me, it was Nate. And I’m pretty sure he was just trying to be a test balloon for me anyway.”

“Shane didn’t react well?”

“All Shane could hear was Nate was going to change the world and routine he’s lived in his entire adult life and possibly leave him. There was no way he could react well,” Mitchie says.

Caitlyn pulls out a t shirt and shakes it out, examining the wrinkles before deciding it was presentable enough. 

“Mitchie, there are a few things here but first, you are not Nate, and Nate can’t fix your problems for you.”

“I don’t think Nate can fix my problems,” Mitchie says.

“Maybe not, but you much rather talk in circles with him than actually doing something about them,” Caitlyn counters.

Mitchie doesn't say anything for a few seconds, then opens her mouth to protest before Caitlyn cuts her off.

“Look. Shane’s going to react to the two of you differently and hiding behind his brother isn’t going to work for long.”

She reaches to pull off the t-shirt she was wearing before putting on the one from the pile.

“Secondly,” she continues, going back to her point, “you are the most assured, determined, strong individual I know who's never had a problem telling her boyfriend just what she thinks, and every time you do he takes it and changes because he’s so ridiculously devoted to you for some reason.”

Caitlyn walks over to Mitchie and sits down next to her, taking her hand. “Mitchie, what do you want. Not what are you going to do, not what’s easy and feasible, but what do you think about when you think about a year from now?”

Mitchie rests her head on Caitlyn’s shoulder, closing her eyes and sighing. “I want to be in a recording studio with you after we’ve finished a song so good it makes me feel like I can fly.”

Caitlyn squeezes her hand. “Close enough, that’s what you and Shane have been talking about anyway yeah?”

Mitchie shakes her head. “Shane’s not you though. You’re my creative partner. You’re my best friend.”

“Best best friend, right?” Caitlyn asks, smiling.

Mitchie nods. “It’s like, you know every single thing I hate about myself, you‘ve seen me at my worst, you know? And you still love me. You still thought I was worth it.”

“Mitchie you’re so loved though,” Caitlyn says. “Your first summer here, the last few weeks you were a pariah and still, even Brown was obsessed with you. Shane was mad at you sure, but he got over it, people love you here.

“That’s just it though.” Mitchie says. “People love me here, and then I go out in to the real world where I’m either invisible or I’m that girl dating Shane Gray.” She sighs. “I guess in some way I had this idea that we could just keep a smaller version of camp going, but everyone’s going their separate ways.”

“Well we don’t really know yet where everyone’s going to end up,” Caitlyn points out, “but I get your point.”

“I don't want you to go to New England I want you to come produce with me,” Mitchie confesses.

Caitlyn turns to look at her. “Ok I’ll tell you what. I know you’re just scared, but after we both graduate from college, yes both Mitchie, I’ll move to LA or New York or wherever you are and we’ll write a whole fuckton.”

She moves to wrap her arms around Mitchie and give her a warm embrace. “Just do the right thing Mitchie, tell Shane you’re gonna go to college, and then the two of you can plan your whole sappy lives around wherever and whatever you’re doing. Get an apartment and record a demo, do whatever you guys we’re planning to do, but go to college too.”

Mitchie sighs and hugs Caitlyn back. “I don’t know how you ended up being the smart one,” she mumbles.

“I think someone had to be.”

 

* * *

 

Mitchie sits with her legs kicked up against a desk, picking with Shane’s guitar while Shane too rummages through the pile of clothes on the end of his bed that looks suspiciously like Caitlyn’s did about an hour ago. 

“You know,” she says, “if you did your laundry, and maybe put it away, we wouldn’t have this predicament multiple times a week.”

Shane throws a pair of balled up dirty underwear at her. She catches it.

“This is gross, Shane. You’re gross. These are your Calvins take better care of them dammit.”

He looks at her, scrunching his eyebrows. “I’m literally a millionaire and a celebrity, I can get more.”

“You’re such a dick,” she says, throwing the underwear back at him.

“You love me,” he says, smiling.

“Possibly. Yet to be determined.”

They stare at each other for a few seconds, until Mitchie grins back. 

“The thing is,” Mitchie says, “you’re such a clothes horse that dirty pile probably cost you like, ten thousand dollars.”

“Ok look,” Shane says, not really intending to finish the sentence. He finds a hoodie and sniffs it before handing it out to Mitchie. “You wear this one and I’ll wear the one you’ve got on now,” he proposes.

“Uh-uh no way this is the only one that’s been washed in the last two weeks,” she says.

Shane folds, pulling the dirty hoodie on. It wasn’t too bad, he thinks. 

“Ready to go?” He asks. 

“In a minute,” Mitchie says, “I actually really like what I’m coming up with here.” 

Shane listens for a moment. “It’s cool I like that.” He’s quiet again.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you after dinner,” Mitchie says after a few minutes of silence. “I love you I don’t mean to keep starting fights.”

“So, Nate and I talked while you went to grab your jeans,” he says.

“Oh?” Mitchie asks.

“He told me that argument was actually more about you, rather than him.”

Fuck. “Maybe a little bit.” 

“I wish you’d just talk to me, every single time we get upset with each other it’s because one of us isn’t communicating,” Shane says. 

She’s literally so screwed, Mitchie thinks. 

“Nate seems to think that I’m the reason you’re not going to college.”

“That’s ridiculous there’s no way I’d let my boyfriend dictate what I do with my life,” she says.

“That’s what I said!” Shane said. “I said that you’ve never listened to me before and I don’t know why you’d suddenly start now.”

Mitchie gives him an unimpressed look.

“But I do think it’s fair to say I haven’t been maybe pushing you enough,” he says. “I’ve been so focused on just being with you and being happy I haven’t been thinking long term so much.”

Mitchie keeps strumming the guitar. “I can make my own decisions.”

“I think you should look at going to college again,” Shane says.

Mitchie stops playing. She can feel her chest constricting. “What do you mean?” She asks, choking the sentence out as best as she could, trying desperately to cover for herself. 

Shane crosses the room and takes the guitar from her, immediately seeing he’s said the wrong thing.

Rationally, she knows Shane loves her. She even knows that he probably even needs her more than she needs him. He’s the most codependent bitch on the planet and they’ve been happy together for three years.

However, her anxiety absolutely does not know that. 

“I don’t mean go away to school or go far or anything, unless that’s what you want to do. I’m ok doing long distance we’ve made it work so far,” Shane says.

“I don’t want to do that,” she says, trying subtly to get more air in her lungs. She doesn’t know why she bothers. Shane’s already on his knees looking at her with concern and his thumb stroking her arm.

“Me neither,” he says, “but I think just tweaking the plan a little bit, you still coming out to LA, moving in with me and the guys, us working on your album, but you also maybe being enrolled somewhere. There are excellent music schools in commuting distance. Calarts is a little far but its not a bad drive.”

Mitchie takes a few deep breaths. She hates that she can get so worked up so quickly. “I was thinking UCLA actually,” she says. 

Shane smiles. 

“However,” she says, “If I were to do that, I might one up you there. Freshman aren’t allowed to live off campus, and honestly living on campus might be good for me just to meet people and like, have that experience.” 

Shane’s smile falters a little but he still nods. “That’s not a bad idea."

“And that’s not to say I won’t still spend all my time at your place anyway,” she says quickly, “but it might also be good for us to live in the same city in the first place before we actually move in together. And then at the end of the year we could look for a place of our own.”

“I like that part a little more,” Shane says.

“The thing is though, you'd have to choose between touring and camp, if you were gonna stay in the city with me during the year,” Mitchie says. 

“We’ll see,” Shane says. “Once my contracts up I don’t have to go on tour at all, the world could use a break from us, we can always go back when you can come with.”

Mitchie shakes her head, and stands up, pulling Shane with her by the hand. “I feel like you’re the only one making sacrifices here. I don’t want to start out on uneven footing.”

Shane rests his hands on her waist. “You made sacrifices for me the last three years, and the one coming up. Our entire relationship has been built around my schedule and you’ve just dealt with that because that was what you had to do. I think I can match that.”

Mitchie just takes his face in her hands and kisses him, since it was right there. “You’re sure?”

“I’ve always been sure about you.”

“You’re gross and I hate you.”

“No you don’t,” Shane chases her lips back, and they both smile in to the kiss.

“So,” Shane pulls back, “basically the same plan, only with a little more structure.”

Mitchie nods. “Still taking our time.”

“I do have one question," Shane interjected. “Why didn’t you just tell me what you were thinking? I might've been able to help.”

He was looking so intently at her Mitchie had to avert her eyes. “When you get your heart set on something it’s hard to let you down,” she says to his chest. “Not telling you tentative plans keeps me from having to disappoint you.”

“I can handle it,” Shane says, doing his best to keep the frustration out of his voice. “I know you guys dance around me, but really, this has been probably the best year of my life, I’ll be fine. I wanna be a part of the conversation.”

“I’m better at doing things on my own,” Mitchie says. “It’s what I’m used to.”

“I hear it’s always good to try new things,” Shane replies with a grin. 

Mitchie rolls her eyes and kisses him. They stay kissing like that for a while just because they can, exploring each others mouths and feeling the others hair between their fingers. Time alone is so sparse and fleeting for them. Mitchie’s hands start to wander, and Shane catches them.

“Literally all of our friends are waiting for us,” he says in a low voice against her lips.

Mitchie groans, tossing her head back. “We’ll be quick then.”

“We’ve literally never, not once, been quick and you know it.”

Mitchie lets her hands drop to the front of Shane’s pants, running a thumb over his head in the left leg of his jeans. “You’re half hard,” she murmurs against his lips. 

Shane groans. “What happened to making responsible adult choices?”

“I think I’m being very adult,” Mitchie says, grinning. She reaches to cup his face in her hand before kissing him once on the mouth, and once behind his ear.

“That's not playing fair,” Shane whines. 

Mitchie hums, running her thumb under the waistband of Shane’s jeans. He steps back and shoves a hand in his pocket. 

“Do you wanna go?” Mitchie asks. 

Shane looks up from his phone. “I’m setting a timer for 20 minutes and I don’t care where we are we’re going to the jam then.”

Mitchie grins, she’s won. Shane grabs her by the waist and pulls her close to him, running a hand down the backside of her leggings and giving her ass a soft squeeze. 

Mitchie shakes her head, smiling against his lips. “You’re so easy,” she says. 

“Shut up,” Shane bites back. He takes a step forward, moving them  towards his bunk, and Mitchie grabs the collar of his hoodie, pulling him back to hover over her. 

Shane looks up at the screen windows. “The lights are on, anyone might be able to see us.” 

“I wanna see you,” she mumbles. 

“If we get caught I’m telling them it was your idea,” Shane says, pushing Mitchie’s hoodie up to expose her waist, stroking the skin with his thumb and leaning down to kiss her hip.

Mitchie reaches for the button on his jeans. “Twenty minutes you say?” She asks.

“Twenty minutes.”

 

* * *

 

Forty-five minutes later, they’re walking flushed and hand in hand to the campfire set up by the lake. Shane immediately goes for the s’mores bar, Mitchie watches him eat three marshmallows out of the bag before taking a s’more right out of Jason’s hands. Caitlyn’s plugging her laptop in to the speakers when she sees Mitchie walking up to her.

“Get distracted?” She asks.

“Maybe,” Mitchie says

Caitlyn shakes her head, smiling. “You talked to Shane about college?”  
  
Mitchie furrows her brow and tilts her head. “How could you tell?”  
  
“You’re not yelling at each other,” Caitlyn says. “Also, running your fingers through your hair doesn’t count as brushing it, everyone can probably tell you just got fucked.”  
  
“I’m gonna ignore that in favor of not being anxious and paranoid thanks,” Mitchie says.

Caitlyn smiles. “You got here just in time, I signed us up for the last slot. You better hope this works out without a sound check.”  

Mitchie picks up the microphone, tapping it once to see if it was on. “It’ll be fine, it’s just a campfire jam, I promise to pay full attention for final jam, ok?”

Caitlyn rolls her eyes. “Deal.”

The first years on stage finish their set, and Mitchie’s overwhelmingly reminded of her first final jam, where she could barely look at the audience at first. She remembers the crushing feelings of inadequacy. She doesn’t feel like that anymore. At least not on stage..  
  
Mitchie turns to Caitlyn. “This is my favorite thing, you know,” she tells her.

Caitlyn smiles. “Mine too.” 

“I don’t want it to ever stop,” she doesn’t say it sadly, she’s grateful.  
  
“You wanna know a secret, Mitchie? Everything ends, sure. But you can hold on to it and still make way for better things.”  
  
Mitchie squeezes Caitlyn’s hand. "When did you get so mature?"

Caitlyn shrugs. “We’ll do this forever, yeah?”

Mitchie grins, her signature smile lighting up the space between her and her best friend. She steps on to the stage and looks out to the crowd as the music starts. This is her safe place. 

She knows that it won’t feel like this when she starts performing for strangers again. She knows the potential rejection from labels and fans, and god forbid, colleges, was maybe in her near future. 

She doesn't really care. 

Mitchie takes the mic, it’s heavy in her hand, the metal cold to the touch, and she feels a rushing sense of clarity. Suddenly, the futures not so scary. She opens her mouth to sing. The world looks infinite. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is a labor of love. when I was 14 I wrote a (pretty successful) multi-chap comprising the year after Camp Rock 2 ended, and it's honestly so interesting to see how my own interpretations and interactions with the characters have changed over time. If anyone wants to actually talk about this - come find me on my social media. 
> 
> tumblr // @racheldaddow  
> twitter // @fizzymcguiree


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